“a little lower.” 

“i got it” i whispered. my hand fumbled for the hook of lacey’s bra. a push button type that snapped open after some finagling with my thumb. i grabbed the underwire with my teeth, a thin metal strand inside soft cotton that felt a little uncomfortable to put pressure on. it was worth the reaction. 

“heyyyyy.” lacey whined. there was light behind her eyes, past the ruby puddle my proximity had splashed across her face. a glimmer of want, of hesitation, and just slightly of fear. i pulled my body away, the garment coming with, and started working at the buttons to her jeans. “cain…slow down.” 

i swapped hands to toss the bra aside and leaned back in, tracing a line up lacey’s belly with my fingers. she was flat on her back, hands together over the undone buttons like it would make them disappear. cold to the touch. so soft. a plush bundle of gentle winding shapes broken up only by subtle outlines of lower ribs. two dainty pillows rested above those lines, enough to fill my hands and then some, pulled to the side in separate directions by their own weight. so, so cute. a normal kind of beauty all her own. 

“we don’t have to do this.” i said. 

“i want to, i just…” she breathed, voice steady. the gleam in her eyes became more intense, gaze flitting to and from where my hands rested along the loosened denim. “my heart is beating too fast.” 

mine was too. just the skin-to-skin contact filled me with enough adrenaline that my head threatened to spin off my shoulders. i nuzzled lacey’s neck, kissing her through strands of golden hair. every thrum of her breathing underneath my lips, my touch, spurred the affection onward. i had to reel myself back in, take 15 steps back towards sanity. 

“it’s okay. we always get about this far and stop, there’s no rush.” i murmured. she moved a hand to my side, pulling the elastic band on my boxers a bit.  

i was already at attention, but something about the subtlety of the action, her demeanor; the entire scenario, lacey half undressed in my bed, made me almost uncomfortably rigid. it grazed the back of her hand as i laid back down. 

“i’m worried it’ll hurt.” she whispered. 

“it will. it’s why we take things very slow…” i replied, trailing for a moment. “and use some lube.” things i learned online. things i really had no conception of despite not being entirely inexperienced. this kind of slow and thought-out pace, the hesitancy and the anticipation, were entirely foreign to me. 

i had only ever had sex with kirsten. what i knew from that i had learned from her. porn was unreliable, awkward, it did nothing to alleviate the height gap or the difficulty maintaining an erection. despite being past the latter, or at least too pumped to care, there were still a lot of blanks that had to be filled with copious googling.  

lace deserved to be pampered. fulfilled. caressed with a reverence befitting somebody i loved so much i would break inherent boundaries for. i didn’t want to be an actor or imitate some guy going through the motions. it was important that i did this right. there was another, deeper layer. a thought i kept coming back to that i tried very hard to push away in the moment. her, with someone else, being mistreated or unsatisfied.  

i wanted to protect her from that; from the cruelties i knew so many guys her age practiced without so much as a care in the world. i thought of kirsten again, fleetingly, of our nights together that started and ended so abruptly. maybe i was just as bad as them. 

“keep going.” lacey mumbled. she breathed out and shuddered as the words escaped her lips. i sat back up, kissing down her chest as i rose. 

she moaned at the contact, subtle and sweet. hard breathing over sensitive skin eliciting the softest, most delicate sounds i’d heard spill out of her mouth. it encouraged me to explore, over her breasts, then lower, across her naval and down until my chin grazed the jean buttons. she had undone a few more for me. 

i popped the last of them, feeling lace react to each brass snap. she grabbed my leg, nodding when i paused to make sure it was okay.  

“you’re sure?” i asked. i wasn’t. it was a different matter to trust her, though.  

“yes.” she said meekly. her hands partially covered her face, splayed fingers desperately trying to wipe away the blush that shone through light foundation. “yes. please.” she repeated, more breathless. 

i lifted her up by the waist, leaning forward and tugging off the jeans. they got stuck more than a few times, lacey needing to help me get them past her hips. the bottoms peeled away to reveal white polka dot panties, free of their denim prison, a half match to the flat white bra from earlier. it felt like lace lingerie. 

“can i touch?” i asked. my eyes were locked on her hips, her curves, sweeping lines that i had only seen in stolen glances. guilty, shameful asides i realized didn’t even come close to what was in front of me. she nodded. i hesitated, fingers twitching at her sides. 

“can you say yes? sorry…” 

“yes. yes, please.” lace stuttered again. she was so embarrassed, so adorable. wiggling a bit as my fingers met her warmth. i spread her legs gently and worked my hands along the insides of her thighs, grazing downwards with intention. i wanted to sink my teeth into her shoulder, to do anything but stare back at those big, blue doe eyes. wet and mesmerizing. so full of love and latent expectation. 

my thumb brushed up against her panties and she squeaked, squirming in my grasp. i had to use the free hand to keep her legs apart. “lacey.” i said, a raw hunger lining the syllables of her name. she had a wet spot forming, something i prodded at gleefully as a smile broke across my face. beyond my desire, beyond doing it right, i was glad that lacey was turned on. it was so reassuring to know she was enjoying this too. “you’re soaked.” i breathed out, my fingers continuing to work on their own. 

“l-lower.” she mewled. i was good at this, at least. find the little button, annoying at first, but easy with some practice; it stiffens when you’re doing things right. a touch above the opening, ah. there it was, that tiny little marble. lacey’s reaction confirmed it. “fuuuuck, cain.” 

“already? i just started.” i teased. she pushed her legs together, bucking my hand for a moment and bratting out for a bit. i fought her playfully, using my weight to get her back into a good position around my hand, fingers firmly planted back on the sensitive little gem. she smiled.  

“you’re big.” 

“so observant.” 

“and strong.” she added. her hips shook a bit as she pushed herself against my hand. “cain…” 

i had to hunch over to kiss her, our lips meeting in a heated contest of who could pull the other more frantically. lacey gasped, tensing. her entire body shook as i pulled away for air and quickly pushed our lips back together. 

she wasn’t bad at kissing; charlotte had been a good teacher. it was still awkward to crunch my body up, balancing the position so that my arms were in the right place, while maintaining a good angle to press in for more. 

“-off…” she gasped.  

“what?”  

“take my panties off…” 

“sure.” i breathed. fireworks. colorful, violent detonations inside my brain. blast after blast that rocked my vision and made it hard to think. i fumbled with the elastic, one hand pinned behind lacey. she impatiently tugged them the rest of the way off, folding her smooth, slender legs to slip them free. she was gorgeous. cute in such a ‘lacey’ way. thin blonde hairs stacked in slender rows, gracefully covering up her smooth mound and barely defined lips. small. i swallowed hard.  

“don’t just stare…” lacey whined. my head snapped up; i met her gaze. her longing. her conflicted desire that burned as hot as my own. i didn’t hesitate.  

i pulled her forward, flatter, away from the bunched-up sheets and the wall, using her legs like sled handles to get a better position. my tongue connected first, saliva mixing with lacey’s fluids as i started the search anew. it only took a second to find the marble. to wrap my lips over it and push my face against her so forcefully that my nose ached. i’d never needed to taste something so badly in my life. sour, slightly salty, seaweed straight from the ocean. not unpleasant, but addicting nonetheless, my mouth acting on its own to get more, more, more. 

i was in uncharted territory. trying my best to read lacey’s body language; the way her thighs pressed against my head, how her tummy dropped. gasps and moans plotting my course as i debated how and where to lick. she seemed to get the most out of rapid, swirling tongue movement that focused on the marble. sucking a bit in between made her inhale, loud enough she clapped a hand over her mouth.  

honeyed moans still leaked out around the edges of her fingers, egging me on, until my lungs burned and her body shook. i couldn’t conscience trying for a breath, though. i wanted to push her over that edge, to fall with her, tumbling together in shared ecstasy. her hand not smushed against an open mouth found the back of my head and grasped for purchase. she bounced against my body, legs shaking, rocked by gentle convulsions. i’d been graced with sounds i never thought i’d get to hear. 

i pulled away, a trail connecting my jaw to her lower body. overdrive. a twin turbo firing between my ears and revving in my chest. i used a free hand to stuff myself back into my waistband and felt moisture seeping through the cotton fabric. lacey looked up at me, starry eyed. 

“all the way.” she said. time stopped. i thought she would have backed out. a tug of war that dwarfed any other i’d felt broke out between my head and heart. the pit was officiating a death match, marking a line that would mean permanent repercussions if it were crossed. hadn’t we crossed it already? 

“i don’t know…” 

lacey saw my hesitation. she smiled and put her arms out. i leaned over, my knees instinctively finding their place against her legs, and accepted the hug. she kissed the side of my head, stroking my back. “we can stop if you want.” 

“lace.” i said, a little serious, just a touch unsure. 

“yeah?” 

“can you reach the lube?” i asked. her face lit up, a smile starting to break through the afterglow. she nodded, stretching her arms out and grasping at the triangular tube on my nightstand. i sat up again, worked my boxers free and took it from her. fortunately, i’d had the forethought to keep the condoms close, and it was easy to slip one on before lubing up. 

“c-c-call me a good girl…while it…happens.” lacey stuttered, holding her arms out to wrap around me. she had been looking at my face, only now did her eyes finally fall. those beautiful baby blues widened. “it’s fucking huge.” 

“it’s average.” i said. “you’re just small.” 

“no…no way..” she trailed off. i stopped, stock still. my right hand was covered in lube and i had to use the other to pet her side.  

“we can stop whenever you feel uncomfortable.” 

“no, keep going. just…you’re lying.” she muttered. i gave her a reassuring smile, leaned back over and put myself up against her. she was small. the head would fit, but we would be here for a while to get the rest in.  

she smelled so good, hints of toasted vanilla and lacey in the midst of what still lingered from having been smashed against her earlier. it made my head spin, brought moisture to my eyes i had to blink away, and all of a sudden i was dizzy, hungry. 

“can you be a good girl for me, lacey?” i asked. something about using her full name felt more intimate. she mumbled a bit, nodding her head feverishly and wrapped me in hug so tight i had to strain against her to stay in position. “tell me when it hurts, okay? tap my back if it’s too much.” another rapid set of nods. that hunger built on itself, intensifying with every little enamored expression on her face. 

the first inch or so was tentative, exploratory. i was able to get a slow rhythm started by working it against her and adding a bit more lube on the out-stroke. after that, it felt like she was tapping out at every centimeter. stop and go. not at all like with kirsten, when we had alternated between fast and deep, but menial, frustrating progress that ached as the muscles in my arms and shoulders began to fatigue.  

i struggled to focus. she had me in a 360-degree clamp at what felt like 400 degrees. i wanted to break rhythm, push just a bit farther, and i held myself back because the expression she wore was so full of fear and explicit trust that i couldn’t imagine doing this any other way. i wasn’t fighting to stay hard, to stay inside or even to stay focused. i was fighting the burning, excruciating hunger that threatened to grow into something overwhelming. seconds turned to minutes without much more than a few inches of back and forth. almost half an hour went by when i met the first real resistance, something additional finagling and more lube couldn’t seem to alleviate.  

“i think this is gonna hurt, i’m sorry.” i said. her eyes were so huge, so trusting and loving that i felt a little bad squeezing her hand and kissing her while it happened. this was why i was here. her body pressed to mine, legs squeezing me hard enough that the ankles dug in to my lower back and hurt. face taught, frozen in pain. this was why i had made my peace with what we were doing. i couldn’t imagine anyone else guiding her through this. she was my charge, my responsibility. 

lacey’s scream was muffled into my lips and as soon as i felt things give way i stopped, frozen, shoulders on fire. i pulled away ever so gently, the rest of my body stock still. it didn’t matter how hungry i was, how rampant that wildfire had become. the need to ensure she was okay was a bastion those flames couldn’t overcome. 

“fuck. fuck!” lace swore, just a touch too loud. her face creased in pain, lines drawn down from the forehead meeting scrunched up cheeks trying to bear it. those eyes, those overwhelmingly desperate blue eyes. 

a moment of stillness passed, neither of us moving, lacey trying to steady her breathing. she hadn’t taken her eyes off me and i gave her hand a gentle squeeze on the wrist to check in. the gesture was returned with a nod, and then another, and another after that as my instincts took over and i buried my face in her.    

“you’re such a good girl.” i purred, kissing her neck, her chest. my hips worked gently, drawing back and using what was already inside to ease her into the motion. 

“f-fuck-, ah, your good little girl…” 

“my good little girl.” i repeated, growling towards the last word. every muscle in me coiled with starving anticipation. it felt like my arm might snap trying to add just a touch more lube before i began to move in earnest.  

lace was starting to moan again. the sound of our back and forth was something like a wet towel slapping tile, echoing in the room as a bass undertone to the established rhythm. my brain felt like it was moments from completely short circuiting. i focused on her face, on the bounce of her body in my grasp. she clutched me, her arms and legs once again wrapping around my waist like we’d die if she let go.

the gradual tensing of her body brought what had become an almost uncomfortable grip to feverish intensity. i quickened the pace, melting against her perspiration slicked skin, pressing us together, going at it with nothing held back. the heated embrace broken only by intermittent kisses stolen from the gaps in our labored breathing.

it was a great 5 minutes. probably the proudest i’ve ever been of my sexual performance. if you’re thinking, ‘cain, that’s pathetic! you’re a star athlete and a man!’, i implore you to put a hot dog in a microwave for the same duration and let me know if it explodes.¹

i collapsed on top of lacey sucking in air like i’d been fished out of the sea unconscious. she was still locked around me, trembling slightly, her vice grip still pulling every ounce of progeny i had into the condom. i couldn’t stand, i could barely move my arms. my core burned and i throbbed inside her with every small motion. 

it all felt raw, almost as if my nerves were bare against the rough texture of the cheap linen that swaddled us together, a contrast that lacey’s soft skin multiplied with the whole of her contact. i couldn’t get enough, couldn’t get close enough, despite the overwhelming heat, our bodies slick with perspiration, pressed together with reckless abandon. 

“sex rocks.” lacey gasped.  

“it’s…fucking tiring.” i huffed. it took all my strength to pull out and flop over, seeing stars, still rock solid as i peeled the condom off to tie it up. not bothering to aim, i lazily tossed the now sealed rubber. it sailed, hitting the rim of the garbage basket near my desk, wobbled for a bit and then squelched onto the floor.  

“are you not done?” lacey asked pensively. she moved to check, forcing me to intercept her outstretched hand. she was curious no doubt, but god damn was i sensitive. 

“you can mess around with it later, let’s…just take a breather.” i said. she nodded sheepishly. hugging my side while i tried to control my breathing.  

“i love you, cain.” 

“i love you, lacey.” i said, kissing her neck. 

i felt her squeeze me, her toes wiggling against my calves. that gorgeous scent was everywhere; so close. so soft and warm. so sensitive and beautiful. i stroked her hair, snaking my arm underneath her body. 

we laid in silence for a few minutes, maybe a handful more, holding each other. lace giggled as her hands tracked across my abs, cuing me in that she hadn’t fallen asleep. i resumed stroking her hair, pulled her close, and drank that fragrance by the gallon. 

“do you want to try being on top?” i asked. lacey didn’t reply, nodding into my chest instead. “okay, sit up then.”  

she complied, straddling me, and very obviously stared at the thing that had just impaled her for the last 30 minutes. she picked it up, her fingers wrapping around the tip, making me suck in air.  

“gentle, careful. you’re gonna need to put a condom on.” 

“uh…how?” she asked, tilting her head to one side. 

“it’s really easy, just open it and find the side with the dimple.” 

“this side?” she ripped open the gold packet and held a small rubber disc out towards me. 

“i can’t see dork, let’s say yes. if it’s right it should just roll on, otherwise flip it.” 

“okay…” lacey murmured. she seemed unsure, but the condom slipped down my length without protest. “now what?” 

“i can do the lube so your hands aren’t all wet, but you need to stand up a bit and try to, uh, sit on it.” i instructed, feeling a little dumb when she gave me a quizzical look. 

“sit on it?” 

“yeah, you’re gonna try and get as much inside as you can. stop if it hurts.” 

“okay.” lacey repeated. she was steadier than she had been before, less embarrassed. her body was a silhouette, surges of adrenaline hitting in waves as she came down and i guided myself back in.  

entering her for a second time was much easier than the first. i managed to use the angle of her half squat to comfortably move our hips around, letting lacey take over as things picked up speed. she bit down on her lip as we found a rhythm, seemingly enjoying it. one of her hands pressed against my chest, telling me to stop and let her move on her own. when i complied, i got an ear-to-ear grin that made me question how inexperienced she actually was. 

“i can feel the stretch when i come down, like you’re hitting me right in the tummy.” she giggled. 

“is that good?” i asked, pulling my hands away a bit and letting her ride. 

“it’s…fucking tiring.” she puffed between breaths.  

“and i just did it for half an hour.” i said, my own grin starting. after a few more minutes she flopped onto my chest, breathing hard. i let her grind against me softly, once again inhaling all i could of that shampoo, perfume, and lacey cocktail. “all done?” 

“can you do your thing? just one more time?” she asked, avoiding my eyes. 

“anything for my good little girl.” i whispered, grabbing her hips and shifting my legs up for another round. 

---

1. EDITORS NOTE: come on, really? a hundred pages of intricately constructed narrative building to a dramatic climax and you shoehorn in a cash grab fourth wall break about a fucking hotdog? please tell me this isn’t a reference to something, please. i’m begging you to change this before we publish. ↩︎