lewis tapped an ostinato into his drawing tablet, the stylus bouncing rhythmically against the surface. a cursor on his computer screen mirrored those movements and danced to the rhythm of NEUTRAL ORANGE, the opening theme of hit anime ‘living as a bear in another world!’. it popped bubbles and traced along sliders, each set appearing in rapid sequences of predetermined patterns. the door to his room cracked open, though he didn’t hear it on account of his headphones and the loud pop music. light seeping in from the hall made him squint and he had to lean in to maintain his perfect score. 

“hey man.” cain said. the greeting was a murmur against the music and lewis ignored it. when the stage ended, his stepbrother’s reflection appeared as an opaque visage on the inky black computer screen. cain’s grimace, hand over his nose, faded away as the track switched and the next level appeared. lewis ignored that too. if he didn’t like it he could leave, it was called aura. cain did leave and lewis continued his game without further distraction. 

several songs later a rapid double knock struck against the outside of his door and although he didn’t hear what his mother had said through the half inch opening, he knew. dinner in 5 minutes. she didn’t like his room, never entered it and never looked inside. it could have been the half a dozen posters of large shirtless men, or the figures, or pillows or various pieces of merch in glass cases that had extended into cain’s half of the space. 

he took off his headphones, wiping the sweat on his shirt, and waded through a scattered mess of candy wrappers, old socks, and discarded tissues to get to the door. cain had finally taken the last of his things upstairs. it meant that lewis could bother william, his stepdad, about removing the other bed. finally, he would have a real space for his kuma-san collection. the statues and figurines he owned of the most attractive character in ‘living as a bear’, that was the shorthand, would get their own special shelf. 

dinner that night was his favorite meatloaf. lewis’ mother had a recipe for it that he loved and she would make it twice a week just for him. william was at the table next to lewis’ mother, and his sister sat across from them both scowling into her plate. cain paid more attention to his phone than the meal, next to lacey who looked like she was fighting off the urge to be sick. her brother had put his hand against her arm reassuringly and it irked lewis that cain didn’t show the same kind of gentle grace to kelsey.  

he knew how they felt about each other. it was obvious, everyone in the house knew of course, they had to. nobody could deny such outright, plain, immoral fraternization between siblings. the thought made him sick to his stomach, almost enough to ruin the deliciousness of his mother’s cooking. he hated cain for that, for the way he looked at her and they way they talked to each other. it was against god, against everything. no wonder lewis’ mother was so short with him. what kind of maniac has feelings for their stepsister? 

kelsey had profusely denied the attraction, but lewis knew. she had even tried to deflect and say that cain’s real interest was lacey, which, besides being ridiculous on account of their being related, made no sense to lewis because lacey was so obviously gay.  

it was a takes one to know one kind of thing. her always simple makeup, the baggy clothing that swallowed her, and drawn-out, yearning glances in the direction of the only friend lewis had seen her bring to the house. another obviously gay girl, in the distinctly opposite vein of lacey.  

there were other things to hate about cain. his slender and defined build, lack of any appreciable body fat and general adherence to removing visible body hair. that guy had no respect for the enamoring beauty of the plush and fuzzy. it meant that they had little to connect over and even cain’s initial attempts to get to know lewis had fallen flat. sports, girls, cars and FPS games had no appeal to lewis. he did like watching sumo, but cain couldn’t get past needing to read subtitles. that was the crux of it for lewis. cain just fundamentally misunderstood the world and what made it beautiful like the other 99% of its inhabitants. 

after dinner, lewis pushed his plate forward and helped himself to cookie dough ice cream from the freezer. his favorite way of eating ice cream was straight from the tub, though this particular container was kelsey’s and she had complained about that. not wanting to spat with his sister, lewis found a bowl. he took a generous amount, finishing his treat with drizzles of chocolate syrup and sugar dust sprinkles. 

the confection was taken back to his room and placed next to the stack of empty bowls that had accumulated on his motorized desk. the surface was cluttered with crumbs, condensation stains, and empty cans that littered the gaps between chibi statuettes. manga and other graphic works were piled high on the ends, leaving just enough space for a monitor stand and his bright blue custom keyboard. 

lewis had an appreciation for things most other people did not. color combinations that might seem gaudy, stylized and often erotic characters full frontal on posters or pillowcases, even small accessories like the fluffy ear clips at the top of his headphones gave the average normie pause. he didn’t care in the slightest, it was a kind of self-selection. his friends, mostly online, shared his interests ecstatically and the rest couldn’t ever hope to understand anyway. 

it was something of a flashpoint between him and his parents, their lack of understanding and his lack of wanting. what was the point of learning to drive a car if leaving the house wasn’t worth it? why spend time or even socialize in person when it was so much more fun to hang out with avatars or on a web forum. personifications more fitting to how lewis really saw himself and the people he cared about. that is, as 270ish pound anthropomorphic animals. 

the fact that he had been ostracized for those interests contributed further to reinforcing his obstinance over maturing. it wasn’t even really maturing, if you thought about it, a lot of adults didn’t drive and cars were bad for the environment. if anything, the sheep who bought into the idea that you needed to drive, needed to have a vehicle, were less mature than he was. they couldn’t even come up with original insults or teasing nicknames; their intellectual capacity was clearly below his own. 

who was he to bend to the will of the mainstream when it was so flat and soulless, possessed so little character or charm beyond a fleeting novelty that would be replaced by the next year. he was independent, thought for himself, and had his own ideas. that was something to be commended, respected even. it was another reason on the non-exhaustive list of things to despise about cain. 

cain had a girlfriend, which was normal, though it irked lewis in a particularly aggravating way that his stepbrother still made advances towards kelsey. beyond the immorality of the initial conceit, cheating was something else entirely. lewis’ father had cheated, it was the reason they had moved halfway across the country, and the fallout was still fresh in his mind. he still hadn’t forgiven his father, not in the way kelsey had, but he couldn’t expect her to understand.  

kelsey had never gotten along with their mother, at least not like lewis did. their mother might not have been supportive of his interests or collections, but she left him to make his own decisions. he was mature enough to have that responsibility. kelsey on the other hand always bucked against the rules, creating a constant back and forth conflict that made it difficult for their mother to offer the same leeway that lewis knew he deserved. 

it created a difficult situation for lewis, one where he had to pick between his sister’s emotional reactions and his mother’s practical wants. she had been well within her rights to leave their father and remarry, she had chosen a good husband, but the process of relocation had been difficult on everyone. sharing space with two strangers who seemed more distant and less approachable as time went on complicated things further. 

at least william was a good guy. lewis respected the type of man he was, unafraid to wear a few pounds and proudly display the hair on his chest and arms. it hadn’t always been that way, his stepfather had been more like cain when they were introduced, but exposure to lewis’ mother, her cooking and her way of life had developed him into a proper husband. 

both him and his sister had taken a back seat to that kind of development. lewis had already proved himself capable and he supposed his mother was more focused on cain and lacey to worry about kelsey, who already had good foundations. lewis didn’t know a lot about his stepsibling’s mother, though he believed his own when she said that the woman had been terribly soft. it probably accounted for cain’s poor taste and lacey’s submissive disposition. 

a notification grabbed lewis’ attention and a snap movement of his mouse brought the messenger app up. one of his friends had invited him to play a different game. it was just a bit too late to get into that right now, he politely declined, but the message was anything but straightforward. this particular friend needed to be let down easy, lest lewis wade through more than twice the work he was doing now, stringing together a denial that didn’t sound like a denial. 

he decided on a visual novel that was helping him learn japanese and settled into the high-backed office chair with a sigh. the chair reclined as lewis kicked his feet up onto the desk. cans rattled while the weight of his legs settled and he found purchase in the clutter, some tipping over and knocking others onto the floor. time passed and prompts blurred together, dialogue boxes appearing double as he blinked to stay awake between bites of ice cream. one minute passed, a handful of seconds that slipped through his grasp, another as hours within themselves, and slowly lewis’ eyes fluttered closed as he submitted to the gentle lull of sleep. 

he awoke with a start, an alarm blaring somewhere upstairs. lewis winced, rubbed sleep from his eyes and sat up gingerly. it wasn’t uncommon to fall asleep at his desk, though, to be out the whole night and only rise to the grating drone of someone else’s alarm frustrated him just enough to be noticeable in the reflective computer monitor. he pulled off his headphones, habitually wiping them against his shirt. the clothing was discarded, tossed into a pile of similar boxy gray tees near the corner of his bed and he found a pair of mostly clean boxers to change into. 

it was early enough that he could get ready and eat in peace before his siblings filled the kitchen with squabbling, early enough that he might see his mother before her pilates class. to lewis’ indifference it was william who was in the living room chesterfield.  

“morning, son.” 

“good morning, william.” 

“you can call me dad, you know.” william pointed out. 

“you aren’t my dad, you’re my mom’s husband.” 

“well, in most places that would mean i’m your dad.” william said, smiling. it was something he rarely did and something lewis rarely saw. the man was still in his smoking jacket, he would be until noon, or until his wife returned from her errands and obligations. in one hand he held up a newspaper, the other was nursing a cup of black coffee. 

“cain is upstairs now, can we move his bed out of my room?” 

“if you’ll help your old man.” william replied, folding the newspaper and setting his coffee down on the blocky side table. 

“oh, after school.” he murmured. lewis tried to disengage from the conversation now that he had the answer he wanted by burying himself in cereal. 

“that’s alright, i was thinking we could put it in the back of the chevy and take it down to the goodwill…” william offered, letting the statement trail a bit before finding his confidence. “we could have you behind the wheel for a bit on the way back?” 

“i don’t know, i have homework today…can’t cain take it?” lewis murmured again, trying to shrink behind the box of mini wheats. 

“your mother asked me to help you get your license; we need you doing more than studying for the permit test.” 

“maybe.”  

“son, i’d appreciate it if you could do this for us.” william said. he had that smile again, with a glint of something else in his eye, something lewis didn’t like at all. the quickest resolution was simply to agree, but it would mean that tonight was now entirely dedicated to physical labor and driving. 

“alright.” lewis replied reluctantly. the mini wheats seemed even more soggy and bland with the prospect of missing the new episode of ‘bear!’, that was what lewis called it, just to drive loops in an empty parking lot. 

he resigned himself to his fate, finished his bowl and hurried back to his room to resume preparing for the day. cain would be coming down the stairs any minute now, even kelsey was already finishing up in the hall bath, and he still had to gather his things for school. when the door shut behind lewis without interruption from screaming siblings or further parental motivation, he let out a slightly anxious sigh. it would be alright; he could stay up just a bit to finish ‘bear!’ and do some extra japanese practice tomorrow. tomorrow, he thought, it still felt so far away.