“cain. where the fuck is my curling iron?” 

“in my bathroom, you know, as usual lace.” i replied sarcastically, combing a hand over my short hair. it was the latest high school fashion; one side buzzed with a slightly messy comb over. “cause i just love curling my luscious locks.” 

my sister leered in the doorway. she clutched the top of a fluffy towel wrapped tightly around her body, blonde hair falling across a pissed off expression in wet tangles. it quickly changed from ‘why did i even bother’ to ‘kill me’ and i offered a sympathetic look. 

“god. whatever, i’ll ask kelsey.” lacey groaned. she slammed the door and stomped down the stairs, each thud making the legs of my desk vibrate.  

our stepsister, kelsey, fraternal twin of lewis, demon spawn of stepmother martha. lacey’s new roommate was boy crazy, obsessed with jocks. always bragging to her shy and book-smart stepsister about a new boyfriend every other week. the curling iron was almost certainly her doing. kelsey seemed to relish lacey’s torment, something i frequently mediated to little avail. there was only so much i could do, less that lacey was even willing to tell me, and with everything else going on i barely had the time to keep an eye out.  

lewis wasn’t a bad guy, he was opposite me in interests: nerd stuff, guys, not showering. i had tried to get to know him and balked at how quickly the conversation had turned into a deep dive about weirdly pornographic anime featuring large, hairy men. no shade, though. it didn’t stop him from resenting me openly. 

our father loved the woman he remarried. he professed it at least. no matter how much i explained how terrible home life was; having to move into the attic because of the smell in my old room, lacey struggling in school because of kelsey’s bullying; he only looked me in the eye like a broken man to say: ‘son, i wish you would all try to get along’. it had been three years.  

martha was a terror in her own right. she ran a religiously tight ship, one that consistently chafed me and my sense of freedom. an irksome presence that constantly interfered with my mission. complicated it. threw in variables and side quests that i barely had time for with kelsey in the picture. it was even more difficult to navigate because of her position as an authority and her proximity to dad. 

i was bigger now, stronger. working out and running track every day put muscle on my body where lanky baby fat used to be. martha couldn’t just twist my arm and scream at me, but the same could not be said for lacey. 

she took the abuse and bottled it up, growing quieter, softer spoken. trailing in the footsteps of kelsey and trying to be a good, pretty, churchgoing girl. wearing makeup, styling her hair, new clothes, and new perfume. a new attitude. the little girl i swore to protect wasn’t so little anymore and some days it felt like i barely recognized her. 

after a brisk shower, slapping my face to ward off the usual sequence of thoughts, generally centered around her developing body and probably raging hormones, i cursed my own. 

i had a girlfriend. she liked me well enough, varsity cheer captain, student council vice president. huge rack. it was a good fit. the strong, handsome cain and the beautiful, bodacious kirsten. great for appearances, for image, for parties. my sex life wasn’t even that bad for a casual thing. she just didn’t really love me, and i knew that, and accepted it for the benefits a casual relationship had. 

an argument going on downstairs made my ears perk up. it was loud enough that i could hear it down a hallway and up a half flight. i pulled a tight graphic t-shirt over my head just in time to cross the kitchen threshold and see martha laying into lacey. 

she wasn’t a tall woman, very stout, heavyset. not fat, but large enough that the kinetic energy of an open hand slap would make your ears ring. i would know. her short blond hair, cropped just above the shoulder, was flat ironed today. immaculate in a way i’m sure the other middle-aged women in yoga would appreciate. the platinum curtain swept up into parted bangs that hung in front of piercing blue eyes. if she was just a little taller, more apple shaped than pear, martha could’ve been a dead ringer for mom.  

“-and i don’t want to hear from Mr. Carlson that you skipped morning classes again.” she yelled, projecting her voice unnecessarily in the small kitchen. lacey shrunk away on instinct, using the lowered end of the entry breakfast bar as cover. 

“okay, mother teresa, it’s 9am on a saturday. perhaps save the sermon for tomorrow?” 

“then you make sure she goes.” martha replied with venom, stabbing a finger in my direction. her wrist made a handful of little tinkling sounds, crystal and bead bracelets clattering together from the force of the gesture. lacey gave me a look that said ‘thank you’ and buried herself in the already soggy mini wheats she had been aimlessly poking at. 

the other siblings were completely ignoring this scene, occupied with their own cereal and pretending to be unaware of lacey being chewed out. kelsey was watching, though. i caught her eye snapping away quickly as martha stalked off with a huff. 

“hiiiii, cain.” kelsey said, smiling at me, her mouth all metal. she wore a full face today, rose colored tints at the corners of her eyes, red gloss that shone off of very full lips, and eyeliner terminating in wings that broke away from sparkling green eyes. the look gave her a fierce appearance similar to a celebrity you’d see on the cover of a teen fashion magazine. it was fake, sparkly, and the push up bra under her skintight crop top really played up the glitter on her chest. how Christlike. 

“morning.” i mumbled, getting my own bowl of mini wheats, sans milk. it wasn’t difficult to disregard the death stare from behind lewis’ unbrushed hair. the mop fell around his eyes like bangs and the rest swirled up to one side in a kind of brownish fauxhawk. he had the same sweats as yesterday on, but at least the shirt seemed fresh. 

kelsey leapt up, highlighted auburn hair bobbing. she leaned over the other end of the counter to push her face closer to mine. a jumble of sharp and muted features on square canvas. brows plucked to a fashionable arch, a thin nose and thinner lips that made her grin seem selachian. “hey lace, we’re going to tutoring today, okay?” i called out, ignoring kelsey and doing my best to keep the annoyed look off my face. lacey made an affirmation through her mouth of mini wheats. 

“ugh. gross, fucking chew and swallow first.” kelsey snapped. i set my spoon down hard so that it made a clang on the counter. kelsey clicked her tongue. 

“lace, car.” i muttered, mouth similarly full, downing the rest of my bowl in just a few motions. kelsey rolled her eyes at me and flipped hair over one shoulder. she turned to grab her bag as i sauntered past. 

“i’ll come back for you two, lace and i need to talk.” 

“the fuck? we’re gonna be late.” kelsey whined. i let my middle finger answer her rhetorical question. 

lacey drew herself up and collected her bag, giving me a smile. we headed for the door and i let her step in first. the garage was cold, pretty normal for a late winter morning, the hair on my arms standing straight at attention. i idly flicked the buzzer for the door to come up and an even sharper gust of freezing air blew into our clutter of tools and old crap. lacey hugged her arms to her chest. 

she wasn’t in the school uniform today. she rarely was, favoring jeans and comfortable tops like sweaters, even when it wasn’t nearly as cold as it was now. today was classic lacey, a violet cashmere long sleeve over light-wash skinny jeans and her favorite high-top sneakers. the shoes were beaten to hell and doodled on. faded sharpie lines that had been further smudged by scuffs and dirt. 

the car managed to be even colder than the outside air. dad’s run down chevy. it always took a few tries to start, especially when it was this bitter out. i turned it over, and then again, and finally on the third try it roared to life. we pulled out of the drive and i fiddled with the remote to pop the garage back down. as it crawled back towards the ground, i caught a glare from lewis in the entry, doubting he caught my hand raised in a parting wave. 

the drive was almost uncomfortably quiet. i tapped the steering wheel and tried my best to let lacey initiate, eventually giving up when it was clear she had no intention of addressing the earlier argument. she had a habit of staring out the window, or messing with her phone. a semi-smart model that definitely wasn’t a big three brand, but still had the functionality for parental controls. 

“sooo…things are bad at school?” i asked. awkward, out of the blue. it took a while for her to respond. 

“yeah, that bitch has her dogs on me all fucking day.” 

“language.” 

“whatever.” lacey snorted. she resumed messing with her phone, opening an app and closing it right after. i didn’t want to distract myself looking at her, at her thin fingers idling in their usual antsy, nervous way, but it was quiet and the road was pretty empty. 

“it’s not whatever, you can’t miss class. where are you even going?” i chastised.  

“i just…leave. they don’t care” she retorted absentmindedly. a curl popped away from where she had tucked it around her headband and i restrained myself from reaching over to put it back. 

“they called home, obviously they care about the liability. dad is gonna freak if a truant officer shows up at the house and i’m going to have to battle high priestess martha for whatever legendary loot she drops.” 

lacey snorted again, a smile creeping into her disinterested expression. i took a hand off the wheel to squeeze her shoulder.  

“just promise me you’ll call me next time, if things are bad?” 

“so you can what, show up like a knight in shining armor? everyone already thinks you’re clingy.” lacey challenged. 

“everyone?” i muttered the question and lacey latched on, desperate for a change in the direction of conversation. 

“yes. you stand too close to me, you’re too protective. we hang out too much.” she said, each point spoken like a quote. the stray curl fell into her field of view and she blew it away from her face. 

“we hang out? too much?! i barely see you anymore.” 

“cain.” 

“i’m serious, you’re always holed up in the library or with your friends, when was the last time we played mario?” 

“cain.” lacey groaned. “i’m not 7 years old anymore.” didn’t i know it. gone were the days of sheperding lacey to and from friends houses, running errands together, walking to school. now i was lucky to see her after school, and rarely at that. 

“yeah. it’s become painfully obvious with the way you’re bottling things and lashing out.” i replied, a touch of annoyance creeping into my voice. we were silent for a moment. “look, i’m not here to bust your…butt. i just worry about you and i don’t want you to do dumb stuff that complicates things at home.” 

“i’ll stop leaving school.” lacey sighed, craning her neck forward. with closed eyes, she looked a lot like those penitent angel statues. 

“serious? you promise?” 

“yeah whatever.” lacey said, popping the door open just as the car came to a stop at the curb of St. Athens Secondary School. somebody had graffitied ‘SAINT ASS’ with a crudely pictographic butt on the large LED sign that dominated the front of the circular driveway. 

“pinky promise, lace.” i said, serious, and stuck my pinky out in her direction. she gave me a look like i was crazy but shook it in kind and then slammed the door. it was my turn to sigh. i genuinely had no idea what to do about that girl, watching her strut away onto campus. 

the drive back was faster than i wanted it to be. all too quickly, my step siblings reappeared, and the car stopped in front of our townhouse. lewis still wore his death stare, still fixated it at me, and i let him. kelsey touched up her glam in the driveway, seemingly immune to the cold.  

“your headlights are on.” i called out, beeping the horn despite having their attention. i couldn’t tell if she blushed or if the smatter of red on her cheeks was the chill. lewis climbed in and kicked the back of my seat.  

“what a weird thing to say to your sister.” 

“step. sister.” i corrected, with emphasis on the prefix. with one hand still casually on the wheel i waggled a finger towards the back row. “and you know, god invented sweaters.”  

“it’s going to warm up.” kelsey said, acting bored. she adjusted the passenger seat to give herself extra leg room and reclined with disinterest. i rolled my eyes. my heart wasn’t in it today. it was far away, anxious and disoriented, still fluttering around the grounds of St. A’s.